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Disappearing Robot

Posted on Dec 12, 2014 by in poems | 0 comments

RP-24

Unmoving, sitting still. Any movement, automatic and necessary. Alone, but gone, not there. Not there to be not alone. Gone. But still alone. But never. Always with myself. I wanna run away. From everyone. From me. Constantly reminded that I am who I am. Sometimes it’s like I wanna be sad, to have an excuse to be so pathetic. Excuses, I live by them. Most can’t or wont understand that I am simply sad, I am mad, and I’m lonely. I’m afraid of being alone and awake at night. Every night I get high because I can’t stand my own mind. My thoughts. It’s always so dark. Sinister. Then some days, different hours, I’m happy, or at least I think I am. I have no friends anymore because I have almost completely dissocialized myself. But I’m okay with that. I read a lot. To live other lives. I write a lot for the same reason. I’m tired of my own. Anger, bitterness, depression…all fill my mind. Searching. Looking. Found. Losing. Lost. My emotions. Am I really invisible? Why can’t people see me? It doesn’t matter, I don’t like to be noticed. I am lost in my own head. Forever gone. Not to be found. Can’t because…no one knows I’m gone.

– Jenny